Jun 24, 2012CoachingUpdated: October 2020
If you are wondering how to forgive with the DEMERT Method ™, click here!
As long as you wait for the others to be (better) compassionate with you, and until you see and experience that they are not, it just means that the outside world is still reflecting the negativity within you. As soon as you are compassionate and forgiving towards each and everyone, the world will reflect this to you.
Life always reflects us back, meaning, we can only experience the energies from the outside that are within us, let they be negative or positive energies. If you want to experience more compassion around you, the best solution is to become more and more compassionate with yourself! It will be easier for you to be compassionate if you learn to forgive.
In addition to compassion, forgiveness is the energy that can completely transform you, and as you change, your whole life will change. Forgiveness is an extremely simple process, but like compassion, there is a lot of misunderstanding surrounding forgiveness. So first, let's clarify what forgiveness means - and what it doesn't.
Forgiveness is the process of transforming the energy of anger within us.
It is always and only about you always, even when you forgive yourself and when you forgive someone else. Many times we have a hard time forgiving because we think we would practically agree with the other person’s action or be excused from forgiveness. And we even confuse it with forgetting. But forgiveness has nothing to do with any of them!
Forgiveness
- is NOT an agreement with the thing we forgive
- does NOT give an exemption to the other
- does NOT mean oblivion.
Forgiveness is all about transforming the energy of anger. Imagine your anger as if you were carrying a heavy package. You can choose to put the package down at any time because you don’t need it. What a relief you can feel after that! And how much energy is finally released that you can use to create something that is good for you!
Feeding anger at anything or anyone is completely unnecessary - a waste of energy - as the other person often doesn’t even know we’re angry with him! So it is even more understandable and clear that forgiveness is not about the other, but about you. You need to put down the package to make you feel better. Yet, we are generally reluctant to forgive, because of the limiting beliefs mentioned above: we believe we are giving him an excuse for his deed, and that by forgiving we are expressing our agreement to his deed.
With the process of forgiveness, only the energy of anger is transformed in us, into positive forgiveness, and as a result, there will be no more negative energy charge on the event itself (which we have been angry about so far). After all, forgetting would not help our lives because our experiences contribute to our development. If we forgave we could start all over again, as we could not remember what and how we learned. Forgetting hinders knowledge, so it is a limiting choice. Therefore, forgiveness is not about forgetting the event, it is only about transforming the energy of the event.
Forgiveness does not mean that we fall into a dance of joy with the person to whom we forgive, (of course, it is not excluded, it is a matter of choice :)) because it is not about him, but only about us. Forgiveness does not mean improving angry relationships, but of course, without forgiveness, relationships cannot improve. Nor does it mean that forgiveness will restore trust in the relationship. If we want to restore the relationship after forgiveness, we need to talk to the person honestly and openly about what is inside us, what has happened, and allowing him or her to tell her version of the story too, without judging him or her.
There is no connection without forgiveness (not even with our real self), but there is forgiveness without connection (if someone dies, we can forgive them, we don’t have to be in touch with them).
From my own experience, I can say that although I have forgiven several times already, the relationship has not been restored and I would not have the trust to restart those relationships. And that’s fine, those relationships were good back then and helped me grow, and now I don’t need them anymore. Forgiveness, on the other hand, was necessary because without it, I would only cherish and feed my anger completely unnecessarily and wasting my precious energy.
Anger is one of the steps in mourning, and if left untreated, it can even make you sick in the long run. Strange as it may seem, we can easily be angry at someone who has left us here, gone (died) even if we intellectually and mentally understand that the person can't help about it. However, feelings and emotions are not mental, but, (as we call it), are emotional processes. That is why forgiveness is important in the event of a breakup or separation (death is also a separation) so to transform any negative energies, feelings of anger related to separation and death.
When my mom died suddenly (without any sign, there was nothing wrong with her and she would have been only 64), I also forgave her for leaving us here. As much as I knew, understood, and even spiritually accepted that it was the best for her, as she went after our dad, with whom she lived in a happy marriage for 40 years, yet it was not easy for me emotionally.
Emotions cannot be mentally explained, but they can be transformed. This is also why I feel very fortunate to be able to solve all such cases with the Intuyching system today and to transform anger into forgiveness by “demerting”. (Using my DEMERT Method™.)
Anger is a feeling that hinders our true relationship with ourselves, thus its presence encourages us to find a TRUE self that is forgiving and loving. Forgiveness and love have tremendous power, far greater than anger or hatred. You can get so much more with a kind word, a smile than grimness and violence - in any situation.
If you want to know how to forgive using the DEMERT Method ™, read the article about it, click here!
With love,
Erika
